Hallowed

I've prayed the Lord's Prayer at nearly every church service I've attended my whole life. As we've changed churches throughout the years, the lingo has changed, debts, sins, trespasses etc. However, the meter and meaning have always been the same. It's easy to let it roll out without thinking. I've had it memorized since I was a child.
Recently though, each time I recite the beginning I am struck by something. This something gives me chills to my core. Hallowed. His name is hallowed. It makes me want to whisper the name of God because I am not worthy to say it. Hallowed means sacred, holy, revered and consecrated. God is so holy and wonderful and powerful and amazing that even His name is sacred. Think about that. We toss God around as if He were our friend or our neighbor. While I know these things to be true, I think there is merit in stepping back and thinking about the magnitude of His holiness once in a while. If we are to truly come before him in a humble way, we must first recognize what He is. Hallowed. Even His name.

Blessed

I know Thanksgiving has passed, but lately I have been reflecting on how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband who has really figured out how important he is to our family and how important we are to him. I have a brilliant little boy who thinks and considers and analyzes constantly, but will also help his sister up when she falls and isn't too big to snuggle with his mommy. I have an independent, vivacious daughter who is learning to say "I love you" and loves to be pretty. And last but not least, I have a serene, sweet baby girl who loves to smile and be made to feel special. I am so grateful to God for these four blessings. When I watch them in action, especially with each other, I am left speechless by the love I feel for each of them.

The Act of Hubicide

I've recently begun to toss around the word "hubicide." It's a term I coined a few weeks ago when I found myself saturated in pure frustration with my hubs. I guess the official definition, should Merriam-Webster ever allow it to be included in the dictionary, would be something along the lines of this: the killing of one husband by one wife. While I know I would NEVER commit such a terrible act, I think most wives have been able to relate to this thought process at one point in their marriage or another. They may have even fantasized about it. Flashes of hubicidal thoughts come and go as we wonder how he can't hear the baby crying or why the trash hasn't been carried to the curb for two weeks. Mostly, I speak figuratively about this and not truly about the reality of killing my husband. Well, maybe just killing off the annoying parts of his behavior!
The truth is though, God made men and women to be different. I'm not always sure why. But I'm sure they want to kill us sometimes too. I'll leave them to come up with their own word for that!

An ADD SAHM

I'm making my to-do list for this morning. I've meal planned for the next 7 days. I've listed all of the other tasks I need to accomplish. And as I sit here and type this blog entry, I realize that as more and more minutes tick by, my chances of getting these prioritized things accomplished are dwindling. I seem to suffer from SAHM ADD at times. For the lay-person, this is Stay-At-Home-Mom Attention Deficit Disorder. This is a unique strand of ADD that only affects those of us moms who are trying to substitute Maxwell House for sleep, can't seem to stay on top of the laundry, and have snot spots on our shoulders. I start the day with the noblest of intentions. I have my own agenda of tasks and seem to get distracted by, well for one, the internet. This diversion is most certainly followed by something as pressing as a bodily function of one or more children or pets. Before I know it, dirty dishes, snacks, the Directv bill, and assorted phone calls have snowballed into a mess of disorganized productivity. I am, in fact, usually getting something done. However, my organized plan for the day flies out the window, and I begin a process similar to crisis management.
One would think that this chosen affliction (I say chosen because I did, in fact, choose it.) would be enough to send moms running back to the work force. Instead, I feel blessed to be able to be with my children and bond with them. I am honored that when they wake up from their naps, I get to be the first face they see. It is my privilege to provide that consistency for them. Hopefully, these moments create an unbreakable bond. It's either that, or we are bonding due to surviving the chaos together like soldiers in battle. Either way, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

A Happy Place

This morning, I find myself reflecting on the trials and tribulations of the last year. This is something I have done often over the last several months. When I look back, however, I don't think about the pain and stress. I am grateful. I look at the life of my family now compared to then and see such blessing. God has poured out on us over the last several months. It was unexpected and came out of a terrible situation. Nevertheless, I rejoice at our new closeness, daughter, financial peace and look forward to what is in store for us next.

How Fragile We Are!

Over the last few weeks, our home has been full of struggle. There are always struggles when raising children. There is no owners manual, no plan to follow. However, nothing has prepared my husband and I for the challenges of parenting foster children who have been hurt so deeply that there is virtually nothing left to them but anger. It is literally as if the pain has eaten a hollowness into their very beings and left nothing behind at all, no personality, no feelings, no self.

Where Am I Going?

Throughout my life, I have often wished there to be a map of my life. I've wanted to know who I would marry, the children I would have, and the jobs I would hold. The most agonizing times have been those times that were filled with uncertainty and lack of direction. Particularly during those struggles, I have desired to know what will happen next. I have pleaded with God to just tell me or show me a sign. At those times I have been foolish in thinking that if I just "know" something, it will change the situation or make it better. Several months ago, I read a quote that a friend posted on their Facebook status. It is simplistic and yet speaks volumns to me. "The fact that God has a plan, not your knowledge of the plan, is the basis of your peace and hope." For most of my life, I have been kidding myself by thinking that knowing is important. It simply isn't. That's a really hard pill to swallow in a society where knowledge is power. The desire to know makes us as humans feel confident in ourselves and our own capabilities, when really we should just know God and rely on Him.
I've been chastised many times over the last few months in a tough situation for not being worried enough. Basically, my lack of worry and abundance of peace was very disconcerting for people in my family. I can't explain it any other way that to say that I was blessed with some of the first real peace I've ever experienced in my life. I chose to accept that peace and wear it proudly instead of casting it off for the selfish desire to know. All I really need to know of God, is how much He loves me, and that He does have a plan for my life. As long as I seek His wisdom and follow His will, that peace is all I need to KNOW!