My girls and I were snuggled on the couch reading. They were changed into their favorite princess nightgowns, ready for bed. I read three or four books as they giggled and rested their heads on me, leaning into me on either side. Who can resist that sidled-up love, that comfortable touching?
During one story about Princesses from the Bible, I was getting slightly emotional as I read to them about Sarah. Bearing the same name and the same promise from God that a family was coming, I could feel a wave of God-directed gratitude sweeping over me, and my words were starting to catch in my throat. And then, Darling D asked an odd question. She pointed to the illustration of Sarah in her Biblical robes and said, "What is under her dress?" I froze, unsure of how to answer her. My spirited girl didn't need an answer from me! She quickly said with a sly grin, "A button! Like this!" She lifted her nightgown and showed me her navel. But her knowing smile was quickly followed by another question. "What is it for?" And there it was. The moment when I had to talk to my Darling D about how her perfectly formed innie had been connected once upon a time to a different mommy other than me.
And so I said, "Belly buttons are how mommies feed babies when they are inside their tummies." She immediately wanted to see mine. I could see her eyes searching mine for more information, with only a four year old vocabulary to string together. So I took a deep breath and began her story.
Remember how you grew inside Mommy S's tummy? Well, there was a cord that went from her body to yours to feed you. When she ate, the cord brought food into your body and helped you grow bigger and bigger until you were big enough to come out.
Where did I sleep then?
At Mommy S's house for a while. But then she couldn't take care of you anymore, and people who cared about you called me. My heart had been so sad because I had wanted to be a mommy for a long time. I had prayed and prayed and prayed for God to give me babies. God told me that I would be a mommy but it took a long time! I had to wait and wait and be patient. Daddy and I had Terrific T, but then no more babies came.
Beautiful B looked up from her own book and interjected with the saddest of faces, "Did Jesus say you couldn't have any more babies?"
No, I knew more babies would come because I trusted God, but it took a lot longer than I thought. And then one day, the people who cared about you called me and asked if I wanted to be your mommy. They said they had this beautiful little girl who needed someone who could take care of her. Daddy and I were so happy when we were picked to do it!
And then where did I sleep? She asked again.
In the same bedroom you sleep in now, only in a baby bed. Mommy would rock you in the blue chair and sing to you while you drank your bottle. Just like I do with Super S now.
What did you sing?
I sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Goodnight Ladies.
I know Goodnight Ladies too! You sing my name in it. Let's sing it now!
Yes, beautiful girls, Momma was singing your names before she ever even knew them. She was singing them daily as she waited like Sarah waited for God's promise to be fulfilled.
And there is the rest too- hearts that are big enough for two mommies and just wanting to sleep somewhere safe and to understand it all.
And belly buttons that connect us to people we can't always see, but Faith that connects us to the Unseen when we are looking and sometimes even when we are not.
It was enough for her this time. I know I will tell this story over again. That is beauty. Because adoption is our gift. It isn't our last resort. It isn't plan C, although I chose to see it that way sometimes. Living it now, I see that it was the blessing we were always meant to have. Now I just see God in it.
