What A Difference A Year Makes

I was just reading over my post from July 21st from last year. It was exactly a year ago yesterday that I wrote about having a fairytale life, and I don't feel any differently today! How fitting that a year after this post was written, the judge finally made the decision to set a trial date for the termination of parental rights for our precious baby girl! She will legally be our daughter before the end of this year. This gives my husband and I more joy than I can even articulate. Toward the end of 2011 as things were wearing on in her case with little or no legal movement, I was feeling so frustrated and discouraged. So many times since this beautiful girl came into our home, I have felt as though she was not the priority of her case worker, attorneys, juvenile officer, or the judge. She was cut loose from her sibling group as a bargaining chip and was almost immediately placed on a back burner until enough time had passed. Well, we are there. Enough time has passed! We are on our way, and I couldn't be happier. As she sits here next to me "coloring name" on a notepad with a pen, I can take her in as the gift she is. Becoming a mother is always special. Becoming a mother to a newborn that you didn't know existed in just a few hours is inexplicable. She was SUCH A GIFT! It isn't that the other two children weren't gifts. They are, and I can't imagine my life without them. However, there is something so different about they way she arrived. I think it has as much to do with my state of mind at the time too. We had just let another child go from our home. I was resolved to having just two kids and felt a peace with that. I had just accepted a part-time job teaching again. I could see this new chapter of our lives unfolding in my mind's eye. This chapter did not include an infant. And then on August 12th, that old addage about how we plan and God laughs manifested like a hand grenade in our life! There she was. At 5:00 in the afternoon, needing to be loved and cared for. Her daddy and I were both immediately smitten. There was no turning back. We gave her our hearts so quickly, that I am sure she was slightly smothered at first! And not a thing has changed since! Because of this story, because of this beautiful surprise, when I look at her, I see God. I see His hand on our family. We planned, but we trusted Him while we planned. And God took that trust and our prayers and our open hearts, and blessed us with this gift beyond measure. When I look at her, I see God's amazing love for us. It can't be pinned down, put in a box, or even into a plan. It is boundless, infinite, overpowering. That love has added to our family in a way that we could never have imagined. I am so thankful that He imagines it better than I do!