Someone recently said the following to me, "I sure wish you could just have your own baby so that you can stop trying to raise everyone elses." As shocking as this statement seems, I wasn't really hurt by it. Through my years of infertility struggles, I would have given ANYTHING to have a baby. Anything. Really. I yearned for it. Prayed for it. Obssessed over it. In our 10-year journey to have a family, I was blessed to become pregnant once. We wanted more kids and were never blessed again with a biological child. One would have to do. About two years ago my feelings about being a mother underwent a transformation. It was unexpected after spending so many years wanting to be pregnant. I'm not really sure what happened, but I know that I suddenly felt no desire to ever be pregnant again. Something inside me realized that I wanted to be a mother, not just pregnant. So, we sought another option and became foster parents. In nearly two years, we've had 7 kids in our home, including the two we have right now. And through this process, I don't really think I'm trying to raise everyone elses kids. I think my husband and I are trying to find the children that God intends for our family. If that means giving a loving home to children who aren't going to stay here, then so be it.

Hallowed

I've prayed the Lord's Prayer at nearly every church service I've attended my whole life. As we've changed churches throughout the years, the lingo has changed, debts, sins, trespasses etc. However, the meter and meaning have always been the same. It's easy to let it roll out without thinking. I've had it memorized since I was a child.
Recently though, each time I recite the beginning I am struck by something. This something gives me chills to my core. Hallowed. His name is hallowed. It makes me want to whisper the name of God because I am not worthy to say it. Hallowed means sacred, holy, revered and consecrated. God is so holy and wonderful and powerful and amazing that even His name is sacred. Think about that. We toss God around as if He were our friend or our neighbor. While I know these things to be true, I think there is merit in stepping back and thinking about the magnitude of His holiness once in a while. If we are to truly come before him in a humble way, we must first recognize what He is. Hallowed. Even His name.

Blessed

I know Thanksgiving has passed, but lately I have been reflecting on how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband who has really figured out how important he is to our family and how important we are to him. I have a brilliant little boy who thinks and considers and analyzes constantly, but will also help his sister up when she falls and isn't too big to snuggle with his mommy. I have an independent, vivacious daughter who is learning to say "I love you" and loves to be pretty. And last but not least, I have a serene, sweet baby girl who loves to smile and be made to feel special. I am so grateful to God for these four blessings. When I watch them in action, especially with each other, I am left speechless by the love I feel for each of them.